What do you want for yourself, for the world? For humanity? For the planet? What are you going for? Is it something simple like love? Is it peace? Is it togetherness? Community? Really, what is it for you? What are you 100% about?
For most of us, the answer is nothing. Most of us are 100% behind our problems and our smallness, and it’s on repeat in our minds. Is that what you want your life to be about?
What if you could choose something different right now? Claiming today that this is what my life is about. And what if you kept choosing it. And then keep choosing it. In every interaction, at every moment. What if you make your life about that thing that means the most to you?
There isn’t a right answer. This isn’t a pop quiz. Take the time to ask what you will make your life about for the next week. And then choose again for next week. Or the next hour, minute, or second. But I invite you to really consider making your life about something.
There is no formula for this. I keep seeing that more and more every day. I can’t trick this. Or wrangle myself in well-enough. In order to make any real impact on the world, I have to allow me to be powerful. And in my power, my life has to be about something. And I'm afraid to stand for anything. Because what if I fail?
Or worse yet, what if I succeed?
The idea of letting go of control is terrifying. As if I will lose my Self. But actually I think that I would find me more clearly. And rather than being an idea, a projection, an identity, it might be true.
And no matter what bullshit I have spoken before now, I am a seeker of truth. My truth. The truth that pulses through all beings and is the water flowing over rocks and the stars in the sky. The truth at the core of the earth and the core of my being. A truth I can barely imagine. Perhaps cannot imagine because I have not quite touched in close enough. A truth that breathes through me. And at some level this is only poetry, and I am still just guessing.
And it doesn't seem to be linear. I keep trying to put something called God into a box, into a list of attainable steps, into a magic pill that I just have to swallow. But really, how does it work?
I am considering allowing God all the way in... I'm thinking about it.
Do you know how? I'm going to ask the stars and the heavens to help me. I am asking my spiritual support team both human and non to help me. I am going to leave this coffee shop, and I am going to go home and ask my cat to help me.
Will you pray for me? Will you pray for your own salvation?
A very sweet friend named Tamara told me this week to get on my knees and yell, "I don't know." And that was the whole prayer.